The Daily Show - Momsplaining with Desi Lydic -

The Daily Show - Momsplaining with Desi Lydic




Turning now to the race
for president.
The struggle
for the GOP nomination
has been a long and hard fight.
You know, feelings were hurt,
nicknames were coined.
-Stages were fallen off of.
-(laughter and groaning)
And now...
now the race is over.
And the Republican voters
have chosen
a mutant
from a carrot juicing accident.
(laughter)
And... and now, in order
to win the general election,
Republicans know
what they need to do.
We want to bring unity
to the Republican Party.
MAN:
Yes.
We
have
to bring unity.
I think what is required is
that we unify this party.
We need to come together
sooner than later.
You're either on the team,
or you're not on the team.
Unifying and growing the party
is the only way we're gonna win.
-Why does he seem stoned? What's
going on there? -(laughter)
(slowly): andquot;Unify. It's the only
way I get through this (bleep).
I'm just...andquot;
I love that. Yeah, unify.
-♪ U, N, I, T, Y,
U, N... ♪ -(laughter)
Yeah, it reminds you
of that Queen Latifah song,
except the people singing it
this time are neither women
nor black.
So, the party leadership
is calling
for unity
amongst all Republicans.
And just like the primaries,
it's going very well.
A deep divide
within the Republican Party.
The fractured Republican Party.
A split hardening.
WOMAN:

Mitt Romney saying

he won't even vote, let alone
attend the convention.

WOMAN 2:
Dick Cheney
throwing his support

to the front-runner.

MAN:

Both Presidents Bush saying

you will not see them
at the Republican Convention.

MAN 2:

Mitch McConnell is promising

to support
the Republican nominee.

WOLF BLITZER:
We know that
John McCain won't be attending.

WOMAN:
Senator Rand Paul said
he is endorsing the nominee.

There's no reason for me
to go to the convention.
What do you mean
there's no reason to go?!
-What about the gift bags?
-(laughter)
And here's how
the fighting is breaking down.
Right now, the Republicans
are basically split
into three camps.
So, you've got the people
who
don't
support Trump.
You've got the people who aren't

ready
to support Trump.
And the most interesting people
are a group
who spent the whole race
throwing (bleep) at Trump,
and now,
they're picking it back up,
-spreading it on a sandwich and
taking a big bite. -(laughter)
Like all narcissists, Donald
Trump is insecure and weak.
If he is the nominee,
I will be voting for him,
I will be supporting him.
He's not qualified
to be president.
It's important
that the party find a way
to get behind Donald Trump.
You cannot direct your anger
towards people.
That is fascist talk.
But the fact of the matter is
that I didn't attack him
as a person.
Let no one be mistaken.
Donald Trump's candidacy
is a cancer on conservatism.
Rick Perry just told me
in a phone call
from his home state in Texas
that he
does
support
Donald Trump.
I asked him
if he would be interested
in being Donald Trump's
running mate, and he said,
andquot;I am not going to say no.andquot;
(laughter)
So... so wait. You
want
to be
running mates with cancer?
-That's what you're saying?
-(laughter)
I mean, I... I guess
it has a pretty strong history
of winning, but still.
(laughter and groaning)
And-and those...
those are the people
who got on board with Trump.
It really is like
a subway train,
you know, if you've ever ridden
in the subway.
You know, like,
sometimes the train pulls up,
and there's that crazy guy
screaming in the train.
And some people are like,
andquot;Well, look, I still have to get
to work, so, uh, I guess
I'm riding the crazy train.andquot;
But then, there are other people
who are like,
andquot;Oh, man,
I know this is my train,
but I'll wait
for the next one.andquot;
Freshman Senator Ben Sasse
of Nebraska said
he could never vote for Trump.
MAN:
Representatives
Ileana Ros-Lehtinen

and Carlos Curbela also saying

they will not vote
for Donald Trump.

Jeb Bush now says
that he is never Trump, as well,
posting on Facebook that he will
not vote for Donald Trump.
WOMAN: andquot;He has not displayed
a respect for the Constitution,
and he is not
a consistent conservative.andquot;
Pretty remarkable statement
there from Jeb Bush.
-That is remarkable
from Jeb Bush. -(laughter)
Standing up to Donald Trump.
Although I don't love
that he made it
on Facebook, though, you know.
It's been months, Jeb.
Go outside.
(laughter)
A man can only live
on SpaghettiOs and Netflix
-for so long, my friend.
-(laughter)
Go out.
And Trump, obviously,
responded to Jeb Bush,
because he's like Rose
from
Titanic.

He'll never let go.
Obviously, uh,
Bush can't be there.
The campaign was too tough,
and he couldn't take it.
(laughs):
Trump...
Trump can't help
taking a swipe at Jeb Bush.
Even though, like,
Jeb Bush dropped out of the race
in February,
and still Trump is hitting him.
You know when Trump
is on his deathbed,
he's still gonna be like,
andquot;I'm dying, and I...
I just (bleep) the bed...
andquot;just like Jeb Bush did in 2016!
-(laughter)
-andquot;Boom!
Oh... oh...andquot;
(imitates flatline tone)
(laughter, groaning)
And his doctor's gonna be like,
andquot;Oh, my God, oh, my God,
he's flatlining!andquot;
(gasping breath) andquot;Just like
Jeb's campaign in 2016.
Boom!andquot;
(imitates flatline tone)
(laughing)
But there... there really is
only one Republican who says
that Trump has not yet proved
his bona fides
as the true conservative
that the party needs,
and that man is Paul Ryan,
Speaker of the House
and part-time
Abercrombie andamp; Fitch model.
More than anyone else today,
Ryan represents
the party establishment.
So if Ryan's with you,
you
have
unified the party,
and if Ryan's not with you,
well, then...
you're Donald Trump.
Paul Ryan's different--
he's the Speaker of the House,
he's the highest ranking
elected Republican
in the country right now, he's
the chairman of the convention.
Back in March,
you said he'd pay a price
if he didn't get along with you.
What is that price?
Well, we're gonna see
what happens.
Can Paul Ryan chair
the convention
if he doesn't endorse you?
Well, that's a question
you're gonna have to ask him
and Reince and I guess me.
(laughter)
Right.
That's why he's asking you.
(laughter)
You are you.
(laughter)
I have never seen anyone dodge
a question that way before.
I can't help you,
I can't help you, man.
The guy you're
looking for is me.
(laughter)
Find me on TV sometime
and ask me.
I would do it now,
but I'm doing an interview

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPWnieKkuP0