Anxiety - Frontal Crash! What happens next? #thankyouOnStar

Anxiety




So this isn’t going to be fun, or interesting.
For either of us.
This is a video I feel like I’ve needed
to make for quite a while now.
But it’s taken a lot.
Like, even just sitting here, with an empty
room, in front of a camera, I…
It probably took about ten minutes, to turn
this camera on and actually start recording.
So yeah. This is a video about anxiety.
As some of you may or may not know, I’ve
struggled with anxiety issues on and off for
quite a while, probably since I was 15 or
16, I started getting panic attacks,
and it’s been a long and bumpy road since then.
It’s linked in a lot with… Now I don’t
want to say depression?
It’s just been, like, really low points,
when I’ve not felt great.
My anxiety has been higher around times when
I’ve not been feeling 100% happy or relaxed,
or just content with my life in general.
So I went to Trans Pride Brighton last weekend.
I was feeling okay about it. I knew that I
had to perform on stage, and I hadn’t…
I hadn’t prepared enough, or at all, really.
Because, with my music lately, I’ve not,
I’ve not been feeling positive about it,
I’ve not been feeling good about it.
So when it came around to the time that I
actually had to get up on stage,
I decided that I was going to tell them I can only play one song, I can’t go for the full 15 minute
slot I’d been given.
I thought that was a good choice.
It was probably the worst choice ever to make,
ever.
Because I let my, I let my anxiety, and I
let my worry dictate my decisions, and…
I’m pretty sure I’m, no, I’m 100% sure
I gave the worst performance of my life.
That I’ve ever given in the eight years
I’ve been performing things.
You know, starting at year seven with secondary
school musical production when
I didn’t even have a solo, up until this day. That was the worst performance I’ve ever given.
And it was bad for a lot of reasons. And I
know, that if I’d have gone up there, if I'd have
sung three songs, that song wouldn’t have
sounded as bad as it did.
I cant. I can’t post that on the internet
now, I can’t put that up here with the vlog
that I did of the day,
which I haven’t even posted yet because
I feel bad. I feel like that should be
the middle section of the video, should be me on stage. It should be, you know, four minutes of me
singing a song, but I can’t put it in there,
because it’s so bad.
But for that whole day. If anybody saw me
there, I want to apologise.
Because for that whole day, really. I would look
at a crowd of people, and I would start to feel dizzy.
And I would start to feel really overwhelmed,
and there were people coming up and talking to us,
which was great, and I love that, and I love making conversation, but I felt like I couldn’t make conversation,
because I was so anxious, and I was so nervous,
I felt like I had to impress these people, like,
I had to prove that, I was funny, and I was entertaining, and I was dorky, just like I am on the internet,
but I wasn’t, I was just like, “hi.......…”
And that was it. I managed, “hi”.
I think my reason for making this video is that
Summer in The City is less than two weeks away,
This time in two weeks, we will be there.
And we will be with you guys, in this huge space.
And I’m just worried I won’t be able to deal with it.
Like I physically won’t be able to bring
myself to, to enjoy myself, and to do all the things that
I know I have to do, and I should do, and
I want to do.
And I feel like I’m going to just, not do
them all together.
Like at Brighton I did it, but at a compromise.
But this time I feel like I just won’t. I feel like I’m just going to say, “sorry, I can't do it.andquot;
I love going to huge events. I’ve been going
to ComicCon since I was, like, 13.
And it’s always been the highlight of my year.
And yeah, sure, I used to get anxiety when
I was travelling there,
but by the time I’d got there I’d calmed
down enough, and I noticed that the crowds
of people weren’t that scary,
and now I feel like I just can’t do it.
Like I’m going to walk into a room and someone’s
going to point at us, and I’m going to freak out.
I just. I want to feel like I can relax, and
I want to feel like I can have fun.
But I’m so anxious about being anxious that
I can’t even get excited.
Every time someone mentions Summer in The
City I just, I think ...
“... Great. Yeah, that’s coming up soon”.
All in all, the kind of anxiety that I deal
with is very panic driven,
and when I start to feel uncomfortable, and when I’m not at ease, and when I’m worried about something,
I will freak out, I will have a panic attack,
I won’t be able to breathe, I won’t be
able to make conversation,
all I’ll be thinking about is, “when can
I get out of here?
When can I leave, and not be rude to people.
When can it be the most convenient for me
to go and find a quiet space
and sit there, for as long as I need to”.
And sometimes, the ‘for as long as I need
to’ can be… infinite.
It can be that I can’t go back, into that, that space.
And I have, I have coping methods, for how
to bring myself down from a panic attack,
I can kind of stop a panic attack if I know
it’s going to happen,
but I can’t stop myself from feeling anxious.
I’ve got no way of preventing that, I’ve
got no way of dealing with that, and I know
I shouldn’t think about it, I dwell on it,
and I shouldn’t…
I shouldn’t be anxious about being anxious,
but I can’t help it.
I just don’t want to be a disappointment.
And I know, I know I am capable of so much
better, but there’s just something in the way.
And sometimes this anxiety is the reason that
I don’t, I don’t talk to people,
I don’t have conversations with my own friends.
I, I don’t socialise.
I don’t talk to people on the internet,
I don’t post videos, I don’t answer questions.
And I just curl up in my little bubble, and
for four days straight I’ll
go to work, play video games, call Alex, and
sleep, and that’s all I do,
because I don’t feel worthy enough... to ask
people for their time.
And I don’t feel like I have anything valuable
to say,
so, you know, when people are having a conversation
with me, and they ask me a question,
and I just don’t reply, it’s because I
feel like I don’t have an answer,
I don’t have a valuable thing to say to
that question.
So yeah, basically, I think that’s all I
have to say about that topic?
This is probably going to be an ongoing…
thing.
I’ll probably make more videos about this
in the future, if you guys find it helpful
and useful to hear about.
This was just a rant, so I could get it out
of my system before SiTC,
so you kind of know what’s going on with
me.
Cool. That’s done.
Peace out, bitches.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKzg3_mw9OA


Frontal Crash! What happens next? #thankyouOnStar




OnStar Emergency â€" are there any injuries?
Hi, I'm Charlotte. I'm 22 years old, from
Hull in England. I enjoy going to the football.
I'm a Hull City sports fan. I've been going
for 14 years.
I try to get to as many away games as I can.
I also like to go to gigs
which involves a lot of travelling and I do
love driving my Vauxhall Corsa.
I worked three jobs while I was at university
and I thought to treat myself once I'd graduated
to a nice shiny new car. So that car was the
Vauxhall Corsa with OnStar.
It was a Friday â€" I had previously been
made redundant from work, so I wasn't at work
at that time. And I was just going down to
my friend's house just to get some pizza
and films for her to cheer me up. And there
was a bus that had pulled in and it was stationary
â€" letting people on and off. And with that,
another car comes around the back of the bus
but takes it really wide, so that it comes
across my side of the road and that was
when the collision happened and the air bags went off.
It was shock â€" I literally couldn't find
any words to say then, once the realisation
had hit me that it happened. I started having
a panic attack and it was really bad.
They have sensors in the vehicle that automatically
send a notification to us; so the vehicle
is literally calling through to our office.
OnStar Emergency â€" are there any injuries?
I reassured her that everything would be fine,
that I would stay on the line with her while
we are waiting for the emergency service to
turn up, so that if anything had changed
in her condition I could either hear it, or she
could relay it to me,
so that we could let them know.
I met Mary for the first time today, it was
absolutely fantastic, it was very emotional.
I was happy to give her a cuddle and to thank
her for what she'd done for me.
For me having that â€" that guardian angel there
being as OnStar â€"
I just think is absolutely fantastic.
Thank You, OnStar

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydxFH6YEAXg